How to Stop Hoarding and Emotionally Disconnect

Have you ever held onto something with the intention of using it, only to forget where you put it or even that it existed? Yes, I’m talking about that food processor in the pantry. Seriously, how many of us remember that hidden kitchen appliance in the cabinet we just “had to have”? You could throw it out or even donate it but then you ask yourself that tricky question, “But what if I need it someday?”

Maybe you feel guilty getting rid of that heartfelt gift that your sweet niece gave you last Christmas. The sweatshirt isn’t quite your size, but the thought of throwing it out makes you feel like you’re betraying her.

If you have experienced these feelings or had these thoughts, you’re not alone. We often get an unusually deep connection to our possessions. If our “stuff” had social media profiles, undoubtedly their relationship status with us would read, “It’s complicated.”

Our possessions are more than just dust collectors. They are tied to memories, evoke emotions, and are sometimes even entwined to our identities. This deep connection with our prized possessions seems harmless at first. In fact, we may justify our actions or even praise ourselves for being thoughtful or frugal.

But over time these things that once defined us can start piling up and clutter can take over an otherwise peaceful space. If you’re in this situation, it’s time to ask yourself if your “stuff” is serving you or if it has become an obstacle on your road to peace and success.

Why We Hold on to Things

The reasons we hold onto our things are varied and can actually be complex. There’s a tendency for people to oversimplify the reasons behind hoarding, stating that they are “collectors” or “just being frugal” by not throwing away useful items. However, the underlying issues that contribute to these actions are more complex than a simple statement can define.

Our possessions feel like extensions of our very beings. Sometimes they are a concrete, physical connection to a simpler or better time in our lives. That old sweater? It reminds you of your carefree younger days when your biggest concern was what you were going to wear to the party. And though that season of your life has passed, and your life has changed, there is a part of you that wants to remain connected to it and that sweater becomes the representation of a younger or freer you.

Other objects represent our future selves. They are items that we believe will serve us when we finally achieve a stronger, better version of ourselves. Those books you haven’t read (the ones in the corner, also covered in dust) are concrete symbols of your intention to read. You can’t throw them out because they are symbols of hope that you will become that avid reader you’ve always wanted to be and without that constant reminder, you feel you may never be motivated to achieve it.

These symbols become vehicles for a brighter future and therefore bring comfort to us. We start seeing them as beacons of hope for better things to come and not the useless clutter that an unbiased eye might see.

Sometimes we hold onto our things because we feel that we may need them later or that we might regret discarding them after they’re long gone. While we might think we are being practical by holding onto items, we may actually be cluttering our lives unnecessarily.

Be honest with yourself; are you ever really going to make jewelry to sell at craft shows? If you’re holding onto items because they offer security, you may be afraid of the future, but these items that are meant to serve a future version of you may be hampering your current life.

Does holding onto these items for future use speak to a lack of faith? While it’s smart to have an emergency fund and extra food on hand, you aren’t likely to need a broken lamp no matter how sentimental you are about it, in an emergency. Trust God to provide for your needs.

Or maybe we’re holding onto dear Aunt Betty’s ornaments only because they are a family heirloom. They don’t match your décor, and your memories of Aunt Betty are contained in a couple of hearsay stories and a black-and-white photo.

But your family loyalty and feelings of obligation seem to overtake your better sense as a box of these faded baubles takes up valuable real estate in your attic. You might feel that these items of familial significance are irreplaceable, but down deep you wish you could be brave enough to let them go.

Whatever the reason, your tight grip on your objects can result in the same outcome: an overpacked, disorganized, stress-inducing mess.

How to Start Letting Go

Here are a few strategies to help you know what to treasure and what to toss and how to emotionally detach from your possessions.

Shift Your Mindset Think of decluttering as a way of honoring your past and your memories, not eliminating or devaluing them. Take a photo of that old stuffed toy if it makes you feel better so you can retain the connection without the clutter.

Consider keeping a small token (think, a ticket stub for the county fair, rather than the oversized inflatable sword you won) of your favorite event rather than a larger item. Excessive clutter causes stress and can complicate your life so don’t allow those souvenirs of the past to interfere with making beautiful new memories.

Start Small As satisfying as it would be to free yourself of all your possessions at once, it’s not practical. Detach from your items slowly by starting with small, actionable goals such as eliminating all the garbage and recyclable goods in a room (not the whole house).

Or start even smaller. Really small. Like your junk drawer that is overflowing with batteries and receipts. Once you start seeing progress being made, it will inspire you to tackle items you’re more emotionally attached to.

Establish Rules for Yourself Before starting your clean-out efforts, establish some rules. It may even be helpful to write these rules on a piece of paper and hang it in a prominent place.

If you’re in doubt about whether you should keep a particular item, refer to your pre-existing rules for guidance. Ask yourself if an item is immediately useful or if it brings you joy. If the answer is “no” to both questions, it’s time to toss it out.

Seek Help The saying, “It takes a village” applies to more than just raising children. If you feel overwhelmed by your accumulated clutter, maybe it’s time to seek help. A professional therapist can help you unpack your emotions to find the root cause of your hoarding. They can also help connect you to professional cleaners and organizers who can be hands-on, practical helpers as you sort through your possessions.

Being Free of the Ties (and Other Objects) That Bind You

Usually, the most difficult aspect of parting with an item is not the physical act of letting it go but coming to terms with your emotional attachment to it. It’s so easy to emotionally cling to objects that were intended to be a blessing but have turned into a burden.

The line between what is useful or meaningful or necessary and what is simply trash can be hard to distinguish when our emotions speak the loudest. The reality is, you’re not your stuff. Your identity can sometimes intermingle with the objects you use to live and enhance your life, but they are not you, nor do they define life.

Your memories live in your mind and heart (and sometimes in your camera roll) not in that dilapidated box of greeting cards. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t keep certain things that are meaningful to you, but it does mean that you can’t hold onto everything that has touched your hand. Let go of the past, trust God for the future, and let go of the weight of clutter so you can live an abundant life.

If you need additional help in releasing the clutter in your life and fighting hoarding, the counselors at our location can help. Give us a call today.