How to Quit Porn Addiction: 3 Surefire Ways from A Christian Perspective

While human beings share some similarities to other life forms on the planet, we do seem to enjoy one distinct difference that separates us from all other life forms on planet earth. We have the ability to self-reflect. A dolphin can be taught to jump through successively higher hoops from the water by pairing its’ hunger for sardines with jumping through the hoop.

Whenever it jumps for a trainer in the appropriate way it gets a fish. It soon learns to engage in the appropriate behavior by pairing instinct with behavior. What it can never learn to do is say to itself, “Wow, that is the highest jump I have ever made!” That ability is thought to rest only with human beings.

The reader may be asking, “What does this have to do with Porn Addiction?!?” A common attitude in our society is that men have no choice over their desire to look at women in a lustful manner. Men are hard-wired to respond physiologically to images of a woman’s naked body or form.

Internet businesses have capitalized on this fact as billions of dollars of profit are made by displaying pornography on the World Wide Web. Many are hooked into frequent viewing habits. Scientists debate about whether there are healthy or unhealthy consequences to this habit.

The bigger question in my mind is this just naturally occurring instinct or can a man choose how he wants to channel his sexual instincts? The Apostle Paul said it best in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Paul is able to reflect on patterns of behavior in his life that do not match his chosen morals. He discusses a problem of powerlessness over sin that Christian’s believe is the spiritual state for all people and that can only be overcome “through life in the Spirit.”

The scientific community has not officially recognized Porn Addiction as an official diagnosis (DSM 5), but it is generally accepted in the recovery community (and the news) as a type of “process addiction”.

It is considered a process addiction because instead of ingesting some sort of substance to chemically alter the brain, a person is engaging in a behavior that stimulates naturally occurring pleasure chemicals in the brain with high intensity. For some people, the behavior can end up taking on the same qualities as a substance abuse addiction.

Some of these characteristics include: withdrawal from social activity, increasing time and money spent on the behavior, continued consumption despite negative social and legal consequences, inability to stop, and an increase in frequency and intensity of the behavior over time.

For the person trapped in a porn addiction, life can feel like a dolphin jumping through hoops. Once temptation strikes, instinct takes over and governs behavior and rational thinking goes out the window.

One of my favorite books in overcoming sexual addiction is Breaking Free (1999), by Russel Willingham. In this recovery book, Willingham outlines essential steps in overcoming problems with pornography. I highly recommend reading this book and following his action steps, which are clearly outlined.

Below is my own summary of some of the key steps he describes in the book that I feel are essential in any Christian sexual addiction recovery program:

1. Striving for a Biblical standard of sexuality
2. Establishing support and accountability
3. Learning to surrender unmet needs

When I was in college, I participated in a campus ministry group where the minister always gave us simple and practical teachings. I still remember a lot of his sayings, benefitting from their wisdom. One of them related to goal setting was, “Aim at nothing and you will hit it every time!”

In other words, without an intentional plan, a person has no chance of reaching their desired goal. A couple of things that Jesus taught about sin and sexuality that can be turning in to a plan were:

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with his heart. – Mathew 5:28

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. – Mathew 5:29

Now obviously Jesus is not advocated removing your eyeballs. He is just setting a high standard for God’s intended role for sex and giving practical direction on how to deal with temptation.

When it comes to sexual temptation, there are things a person can control in terms of things they look at. Porn addiction is one of those things that gets discovered, repeated and then incorporated into a person’s behavioral coping mechanisms (remember the Dolphin?). Scientists believe that neural networks in our brains are strengthened by repetition and weakened by deprivation.

The area in which Jesus starts regarding sexual purity is with the eyes. The goal is to not look lustfully. This is the standard the Christian believer is striving to hit. To achieve this goal in relation to viewing pornography it is essential that steps be taken to reduce the possibility of temptation on electronic devices. Phones, laptops, tablets are the easiest way to secretly view pornography.

Another great book in defeating sexual temptation is Every Man’s Battle (2009) by Steve Arterburn. He talks about the importance of “starving the eyes” as a means of weakening the hold of lust. Having accountability software, password locks and internet blockers on electronic devices is an essential step in breaking porn addiction. But by itself, this step does not defeat the problem.

An addict will find a way to view porn if that is their goal, but it provides a first step in giving a person time to think as they try to implement the rest of their recovery program. In addition, porn addiction is kind of like allergies in the sense when enough allergens build up your system a person has a sneeze attack.

Someone trying to get of a porn addiction may view lustfully images here and there without acting out, but eventually, a pileup effect occurs. Getting rid of social media applications that have lustful, not pornographic images helps prevent this tipping point effect. The bottom line is that a person can review their patterns. If something has continually tripped you up in the past (that you can control), Jesus says “throw it away.”

Enlisting the support of others is the second essential to overcoming porn addiction. John 15:5 reads, “I am the vine you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” There is a subtle part of the passage that can be easy to ignore. Remaining in Christ is the clear part, but what about the branches?

I have never seen a grapevine with just one branch that has a lot of fruit on it. Strength to the branches comes from the vine, but each branch needs the other ones to share the work. The other branches of the vine provide a supportive function that each branch needs to grow.

The same principle applies to the spiritual growth of a Christian. At any given time, someone trying to break a porn addiction may need several things all at once: support, confrontation, insight, and coping skills. One person cannot typically meet all these needs at the same time.

A group of other recovering people is best suited to meet multiple needs. Having people with similar experiences, striving for the same goal is an important resource to break out of addictive patterns. Whether a twelve-step group like Sexaholics Anonymous or a recovery group sponsored by your church, joining a recovery group is a key element for recovery to begin.

Having a one-on-one accountability relationship is another aspect of enlisting the support. Part of the cycle of addiction includes triggers and thought distortions. An addict will engage in behavior where they hide their motives from themselves in order allow risky behavior without disturbing their conscience.

Meeting with another believer for accountability helps break that cycle. Accountability helps identify triggers and behavior that fuels the addiction.

Having someone to call when temptation strikes to break the cycle is another benefit of an accountability relationship. James 5:16 reads, “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”.

The goal of this spiritual discipline is healing and restoration, not absolving guilt. Breaking the cycle of addiction requires power. Regular support, accountability, and prayer are means of getting that power.

Finally, learning to address unmet needs that usually come from childhood is a key part of the recovery process from porn addiction. David says in Psalm 27:10, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”

The idea here is that we all live in an imperfect world where we leave childhood with some (or many) of our childhood emotionally needs unmet. People that grow up in a family environment where emotional nurture is low and the need for self-reliance is high are more prone toward addiction.

A person from this type of family learns early on the vulnerability and depending on others is not safe. Porn is discovered as a substitute for comfort and feeling desired. The problem with this solution is the person never learns how to depend on real relationships to meet emotional needs. This then interferes with establishing intimacy and growth in relationships.

In the Psalm above, David came to the understanding that God will be able to fulfill needs that his parents were not able to provide. Jesus taught that the beginning of connecting with God was learning to open up one’s heart in prayer and asking with trust. “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

The process of asking is more difficult than it seems. A person addicted to porn would need to stop the cycle, identify triggers, put feelings into words, and then identify needs to place before God. This is where the previous step is essential. Having a support group and an accountability partner to process feelings and identify buried needs is essential. The recovery process occurs with all these steps working together.

In summary, the basics of a recovery plan from porn addiction include reducing environmental temptation, enlisting support and relationally connecting to God. Seeking help through church-based or 12 step programs are ways of seeking insight and benefitting from the experience of people who have gained success over the problem.

Often, seeking the help of a professional therapist with experience helps to initiate a recovery plan. This is not a problem that improves by itself. Taking the above actions steps are proven ways to break the cycle of addiction.