Forgiving Others: Why It’s Important to Our Health

People struggle with the concept of forgiveness. The human question, “Why should I even bother to forgive?” is prevalent in our society, and it’s a difficult one. When Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70×7 times, he was commanding them to go against their instinct to hold a grudge. It’s easier to stay angry than it is to forgive, but it’s not better for us.

What happens when we forgive?

When we forgive, we let go of the resentment or desire for revenge, even though the hurt may remain. Physically, our brain feels more empathy, compassion, and understanding. The amygdala, which processes our fear response, is downgraded, and the pain network in our brain is deactivated.

The pain network can be associated with grievances, and deactivating it lowers stress hormone levels, which contributes to overall physical health and builds resilience. The prefrontal cortex also engages, leading to better self-control and the ability to focus on positive future pursuits instead of dwelling on the pain from the past (Ricciardi et al., 2013).

Why Forgiveness Matters

When we forgive, we feel better, not because we are letting the person who hurt us off the hook, but because we are taking away their power to hurt us. We are not telling them that their actions or abuse are okay, because they are not. But we are letting go of vengeance and leaving it to God.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others against their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15, ESV

Physically, not holding onto a grudge has positive effects as well. According to a study done by Johns Hopkins, when you release the anger and regulate emotions, it can lead to lower blood pressure, cortisol levels (which contribute to stubborn belly fat that won’t let go), and lower levels of anxiety and depression. Choosing to forgive can also lower cholesterol levels, improve sleep, and reduce physical pain.

Historical Example

Corrie Ten Boom was a Dutch Christian woman who lived in the Netherlands during the Nazi Occupation. She helped children with special needs learn how to read and write and was outspoken about her faith. She lived with her father, Kasper, and her sister Elizabeth (Betsy).

When the laws discriminating against Jews were implemented, she and her family decided to take a stand. They built a fake wall up in her bedroom to hide Jewish citizens until they could get fake passports and smuggle them out of the country. She even had connections in the social services office to get more food ration tickets.

Their plan worked well for a while until a man by the name of Jan Vogel tricked her and turned the family over. They were able to hide the Jews and keep them safe, but the Ten Boom Family was arrested. Kasper died, and Corrie and Betsy were sent to Ravensbrück, where the conditions were deplorable. Their cabin had lice, which Betsy told Corrie to count as a blessing because the lice kept the guards from coming near.

They were forced to line up and work hard to the point where Betsy eventually passed away after the strenuous labor. Corrie held resentment for years until she came face-to-face with the man who betrayed her.

It was then that she said the Lord reminded her that if Jesus could forgive her for any of her sins, she could forgive the man who betrayed her. She reported finding freedom in that moment and traveled the world talking about the spiritual benefits of forgiveness (2023).

The Cost of Unforgiveness

According to an article by Johns Hopkins, forgiveness can lead to many positive effects on the body. Studies have found that when a person refuses to remain bitter, they have a lower risk of heart attacks, better cholesterol levels, lower amounts of pain, better blood pressure, lower anxiety, depression, and stress.

When a person refuses to forgive, they willingly put themselves in chronic fight-or-flight mode, which spikes their cortisol, lowers their immune response, and can raise blood pressure and heart rate, which could eventually lead to a heart attack. A lack of forgiveness could also contribute to diabetes. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels (2024).

Forgiveness as a Process

It is easy to tell somebody that they are forgiven, but sometimes the actions do not line up with their words, and that is because to forgive, a person needs to put down their pride and their hurt.

When Jesus told his disciples to forgive seventy times seven times, it was to demonstrate that the process of forgiveness is ongoing and does not just stop. People will disappoint us, and in each disappointment, we have a choice: let the disappointment take over and change the way we see the person or choose to forgive.

Forgiveness unfolds in stages: acknowledging the pain, grieving, and choosing release. And because people are inherently flawed, this is a process that needs to be repeated.

In the book of Genesis, Joseph was raised well by his family. He was the first child that Rachel conceived when his parents thought conception was impossible. His father, Jacob, spoiled him, giving him everything, and that made his brothers jealous, so rather than showing compassion or understanding, they let their bitterness and jealousy overcome them and sold Joseph to the Ishmaelites.

Joseph had favor in the eyes of God and was sold to a wealthy Egyptian named Potiphar. He worked his way up in Potiphar’s household and caught the attention of Potiphar’s wife. She tried to convince him to sleep with her, and when he refused, she accused him of rape, which resulted in Joseph being arrested and thrown in prison.

But God helped Joseph to interpret dreams for two other prisoners. One of the prisoners was set free and eventually remembered Joseph’s ability to interpret dreams at a time when Pharaoh was plagued with dreams. Joseph was sent for.

Joseph’s God-given wisdom got him out of prison, and he became the second most powerful man in Egypt. He worked to prepare Egypt for a famine that was to come in seven years.

Seven years later, Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt to buy food. Though they did not recognize him, Joseph recognized them. He first tested them to see if they had truly changed, accusing them of theft, but eventually he revealed his identity and demonstrated forgiveness. He told them that God brought him there to preserve their lives and future generations. Then he brought his family to live with him in Egypt.

He recognized that all the pain they caused would be used for good. He told them that what they meant for evil God turned to good, as He does for all of those who love Him.

Boundaries and Reconciliation

Forgiveness does not mean that reconciliation needs to occur. When abuse is present, the safety of the abused is more important than the relationship. It is important to forgive while still maintaining boundaries, meaning that some tough questions may need to be asked, such as:

• How long has this person been in my life?
• What is my relationship with them?
• Why do I feel obligated to have them in my life, or why should I cut them out?
• How often have they hurt me? Is this a pattern? If so, can I let go?

A person may also determine that while they have forgiven the person who hurt them, they don’t feel comfortable seeing them frequently, or alone. Perhaps the hurt person decides that they only want to see them during family events, or in public outings to see if the perpetrator’s behaviors have changed (Kail, 2020).

Final Thoughts

Forgiveness is a process with many benefits and zero harm in doing it. Forgiveness does not absolve the person of what they did but rather takes away the perpetrator’s ability to continuously and actively harm somebody. It is taking away the power to make the victim angry.

Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation, and in cases of abuse, reconciliation is not recommended unless the abuser goes through therapy and shows true life change. Even then, it is up to the discretion of the person who was abused.

Forgiveness is a choice that every person must make every day. Sometimes it’s for trivial things like mean words, other times it’s for situations that cause damage to multiple people. Either way, forgiveness is needed, and sometimes we need forgiveness even more than we need to forgive.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” – Luke 23:34, NIV

If you struggle with forgiveness, please reach out by contacting our reception team to schedule an appointment with me.