When Life Together Goes Awry: Bible Verses About Divorce

When you marry someone, it may be accompanied by some fears, but most often it is attended with joy. That is as it should be. Marriage is one of many blessings that God has given us, but it is also true that our world is not the unblemished paradise God created in the beginning. Instead of being centers of flourishing and refreshing, our relationships can be geysers of dysfunction and pain.

Life together doesn’t always match up with our hopes and dreams. When a marriage ends in divorce, the path to that particular ending of the story isn’t always a straightforward one the couple can easily retrace. Often, divorce brings its own pain and sense of loss as that chapter of your life and the dreams that sustained it end.

Whether you are simply contemplating divorce, seeking guidance as you navigate the turbulent waters of divorce, or seeking to understand the Biblical perspective on divorce now that you’re on the other side of it, it’s important to hear what Scripture says clearly about this issue.

Understanding Divorce by Unpacking Biblical Marriage

Framing our understanding of divorce is necessary because we are somewhat removed from the Biblical context. In the cultural context of the Near East, marriages were usually arranged and carried out in one’s larger kinship group or tribe.

Depending on his wealth, a man could have many wives, and this was one way to ensure the birth of children who would carry the legacy and name of their patriarch. Divorce was typically initiated by the man, it was carried out on clear grounds that had to be laid out, and once concluded it was final.

Having a Biblical understanding of marriage helps one understand the true nature of divorce. While many figures such as David, Abraham, Solomon, and many others had several wives, the Bible does indicate clearly and through the narratives surrounding their lives what the intention and ideal context of marriage is. Thus, not everything one encounters in the pages of the Bible is an encouragement; often, it is there as a warning to us about what not to do.

In our context, divorce can be initiated by either party and, while the laws vary between States, it is relatively easy to get divorced. For the most part, in our culture, we date and marry for love, and the choice is an individual one that family members and friends may or may not weigh in on. Just as entrance into our relationships is by our individual choice, exiting that relationship functions the same way.

In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, pastor and author Timothy Keller says this about marriage in the past and as we conceive it today:

In sharp contrast with our culture, the Bible teaches that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. That means that love is more fundamentally action than emotion. But in talking this way, there is a danger of falling into the opposite error that characterized many ancient and traditional societies.

It is possible to see marriage as merely a social transaction, a way of doing your duty to family, tribe, and society. Traditional societies made the family the ultimate value in life, and so marriage was a mere transaction that helped your family’s interest. By contrast, contemporary Western societies make the individual’s happiness the ultimate value, and so marriage becomes primarily an experience of romantic fulfillment.

But the Bible sees GOD as the supreme good – not the individual or the family – and that gives us a view of marriage that intimately unites feelings AND duty, passion AND promise. That is because at the heart of the Biblical idea of marriage is the covenant. – Timothy Keller 

Marriage is a covenant, a solemn agreement, that points to God’s unbreakable covenant with human beings. In Genesis 2:24-25 we learn of the “one flesh” union of Adam and his wife Eve.

This sets the pattern of what marriage is about, and Jesus reflects on this same passage in the New Testament, as does Paul. Paul takes that understanding and writes “This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32, NIV) Human marriage is a symbol of Christ’s love and unity with His church.

Dr. Beth Felker Jones says regarding marriage “When, by the grace of God, we’re able to keep a marriage together, we get to be symbols – imperfect symbols, but still symbols – of God’s faithfulness to his people.

Marriages are supposed to last because they are symbols of God’s lasting love for us.” This is not to guilt people when marriages break down, but it is to highlight why marriage has such a high premium placed upon it in the Bible, and it helps us understand divorce.

Old Testament Bible Verses About Divorce

Several passages in the Old Testament speak about divorce. While divorce is permitted in some circumstances, those circumstances are limited, and it is clear that marriage is designed to be a lasting covenant.

They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s father because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives. – Deuteronomy 22:19, NIV

If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. – Deuteronomy 22:28-29, NIV

These passages outline the situations in which divorce is not permitted, including when a husband dislikes his wife and slanders her by saying she wasn’t a virgin when he married her, or if a man violates a virgin and then marries her.

In the first instance, divorce is prohibited if proof is adduced that the young woman was a virgin. In the latter, divorce is prohibited to prevent a vulnerable person from being placed at risk of further harm by losing the protections that were part of marriage according to the law.

Our 21st-century society functions quite differently than the situation described in these passages. Of course, sexual purity then and now matters because of the ‘one flesh’ nature of marriage and how the spouses are meant to be for each other exclusively.

Additionally, it mattered then whether a woman was a virgin because there were issues of lineage and inheritance that determined whether future generations had a place in God’s promised land. In a world where paternity tests didn’t exist, the best way to safeguard those rights was to ensure sexual purity.

In a culture governed by family connections, where there was no such thing as independent income or property ownership for a woman, being cast out was nothing short of a death sentence, and to divorce a woman easily or without cause was life-threatening. There were deeply contextual reasons why men couldn’t evade their responsibilities by divorcing vulnerable women.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 permits divorce, saying “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house.” (Deuteronomy 24:1, NIV) It’s not obvious what “something indecent” means, but the man had to write a formal certificate of divorce that finalized his separation from his wife.

“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. – Malachi 2:16, NIV

This verse indicates that divorce is seen by God as a form of violence, which makes sense if divorce separates the one flesh that has been joined together, as Genesis 2:24-25 says and as Jesus reemphasizes in Matthew 19:4-6.

New Testament Bible Verses About Divorce

Divorce is discussed several times in the New Testament. When Jesus was asked about it, he quoted Genesis 2:24 which teaches that as one flesh, a married man and woman shouldn’t be separated because God has joined them. His questioners went on to ask why Moses commanded it in the past (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), and Jesus responded by saying:

“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:8-9, NIV

God’s original intention and ideal for marriage at the beginning of creation was as a lifelong union, and divorce was a form of divine accommodation for hard human hearts. Mark 10:2-12 echoes this, and Luke 16:18 says that divorce and remarriage are adultery.

Neither Mark nor Luke names the exceptions to divorce from Matthews 19:8-9 or 1 Corinthians 7, so it’s possible that what is being communicated is that divorce under circumstances other than those where an exception has been made doesn’t truly dissolve the union, and any subsequent marriage for either partner is adultery.

This is a hard teaching, which explains why the disciples respond to Jesus’ words by saying “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry,” (Matthew 19:10, NIV) to which Jesus responds that the high ideal for marriage remains for those to whom marriage is given (Matthew 19:11-12).

To the married, I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest, I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. – 1 Corinthians 7:10-13, 15, NIV

One interesting departure we see here is that the issue and question of divorce are placed in the hands of both men and women. The gist of what’s being said here is that if you’re a Christian but your spouse isn’t, those aren’t grounds for divorce.

They should stay with you if they want to, but if they choose to leave you, you can let them. In the various verses about divorce, while some exceptions are made that allow for divorce for believers, one is never mandated or encouraged to get divorced.

Working Through Divorce with Help from a Counselor

Getting divorced is a painful experience and one that can be characterized as a loss, whether the marriage was good or not. Divorce is an unfortunate reality in a broken world, and it is right to mourn what divorce represents – unfulfilled dreams, pained hearts, and a one-flesh union that God joined being separated and dissolved.

This reality ought to be balanced against the Bible’s reminders to us that in Christ there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1), and that in Him we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17). God desires to renew our hearts, to cleanse us from our past mistakes, and to usher us into His freedom, peace, and life by the Spirit (Galatians 5:13-26).

Whether you are contemplating divorce, are going through a divorce, or are in the aftermath of one, you don’t have to walk alone. Reach out to a Christian counselor who will truthfully with empathy and compassion, help you walk a journey toward wholeness and peace.